Pollen and Salt

Anyone who had met Fuji Yuuta would commend him on his unbeatable concentration because it seemed all he ever thought about was tennis. Or beating his brother at tennis. And Yuuta would be too busy improving his tennis to deny it. So no one wondered why the relatively attractive and elegantly broody youth didn't have a girlfriend. But many were surprised when Kisarazu Atsushi introduced his female cousin to Yuuta. Because he had asked him to.

Yuuta's actual first encounter with her was at the park. She was with a paintbrush in hand, staring at the daffodils before her. She seemed baffled that she just couldn't get the beauty of the daffodils onto her canvas. Not even Yuuta himself could tell you why he had approached her that day. But he did. And he felt nervous. It seemed his heart stopped and he couldn't breathe when she looked up at him and smiled.

    "What do you think?" she asked before Yuuta could begin to speak. "The painting looks weird, right? Why do you think that's so?"

    "I'm sorry, I'm not much of an arts person," Yuuta admitted.

    "Oh? Well, that doesn't matter, right? I don't think it's in the mechanics of it…" she replied, voice fading as she stared at her painting.

    "It doesn't feel happy," Yuuta blurted, immediately feeling like an idiot. She gave him a puzzled look. He didn't know why he continued. "Well, daffodils are supposed to be happy plants when together, right?" She looked at the painting.

    "You're right," she said finally, smiling widely at the youngest of the Fuji siblings. "Thanks!"

    "Sure," Yuuta said, walking away as she continued her painting. A few metres away and he looked back to find her chatting cheerily with Atsushi. Naturally, he was relieved they were just cousins. And then begged for a formal introduction.

Her name was .

She and Yuuta hit it off really well. And soon Yuuta presented daffodils to her and asked her to be his girlfriend. She accepted. And Yuuta still felt his heart and breath stop with every smile she gave him; he knew it was only for him.

You've left me with such a silent world
The evenings are calm, but I'm restless
And my breath has become as thin as the wind

Tennis was no longer the center of his universe.

Every moment that he spent with her made him feel like he was in the air. was so different, so unique. She noticed so many little things that Yuuta had never bothered to notice. She saw joy in everything, and he felt joy just being with her.

But everything that goes up must come down.

It had been three great months together. It never even crossed Yuuta's mind that something that made him feels so great could end so quickly.

    "Yuuta, we need to talk."

By the tone of her voice, Yuuta should have already guessed what she wanted to talk about.

    "Yuuta, it's been a simply amazing three months," she began, smiling in reverie.

    "It has," Yuuta agreed, flashing the same smile at her. ", you're the greatest thing to happen to me." Her smiled turned remorseful, and she turned her gaze away to the single daffodil nearby. "I want to spend…every moment with you."

    "And…there's nothing more that I want to do than to abide by your wish," began, her voice wavering. "But…"

    "But…?" Yuuta asked, already knowing what she wanted to say, but denying it all the more he was certain.

    "But…you and I…will never work out," completed. And with one more smile, she said, "Good bye…Yuuta."

He wanted to ask a reason, but he was too shocked to ask.

---

Yuuta lay in the green grass that surrounded the boys' dorm at St. Rudolph's. It was two weeks since left him. Now that she was gone, a great void existed within him. He opened his eyes to be greeted by the azure sky. The next thing he knew, his hand was reaching for the clouds that seemed so close.

No, it wouldn't do.

could not be replaced.

Not even the might sky could fill the space you left behind
Not even when it rains
No, nothing takes your place
The emptiness to great to fill

Everyone told him that he'd eventually move on. Two weeks later, he'd come to realize that ‘eventually' could never be short enough. Every moment was excruciating to bear, and he spent nearly every night wondering if he'd done something wrong.

    "Yuuta! Snap out of it!" came the shout of the St Rudolph's tennis club manager. Yuuta came back to reality just in time to see a tennis ball flying toward his face. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough time for him to react. And when tennis ball and face meet, body falls. His teammates rushed to his side. "Yuuta, Yuuta…some girl moves away and suddenly you're playing like Yanagisawa…"

    "Hey!" the duck protested.

    "She's not just some girl…" Wait. "Moved away?"

    "Yeah! She didn't tell you, did she?" Mizuki asked, placing a hand at his hip.

    "Moved away…" Yuuta repeated. So…that was the reason for the break up? But…why couldn't she just tell him? Now he wished he'd actually done something wrong. At least if he did, she'd still be there and he could see her. Just her smile would suffice not being next to her. But now that she wasn't even near… "Where…where is she?" He roughly grabbed Mizuki by the collar.

    "Don't ask me!" Mizuki said, panicked. "I'm just the messenger! She didn't tell me where she went!" Mizuki backed up as Yuuta loosened his grip. Then…who would know?

---

    "Kisarazu-senpai!" Yuuta yelled, storming into the weight room of St. Rudolph.

    "Hey, Yuuta," Atsushi said, stopping the treadmill.

    "Where is she?" was all Yuuta could respond with.

    "Oh, so you finally find out," Atsushi told him, stepping off the treadmill and grabbing a towel to wipe of his sweat.

    "You know all this time and you didn't tell me?" Yuuta demanded.

    "She told me not to," Atsushi responded. "And she also told me not to tell you where she went. But…she did leave a little message behind for you when you did find out." At this moment, Atsushi began searching through his bag, eventually pulling out a folded piece of paper. "Here."

Yuuta took it, and began to read.

Yuuta,

It hurts too much to not be near you. Please forget about me, and please don't be hurt. Be happy. You'll always be in my heart. I'll always remember you when I see these daffodils by the sea. They're so beautiful, even here. Yuuta. I…no, never mind. Good bye…Yuuta.

Yuuta grasped the paper tightly, wrinkling the edges. No matter how he looked at it, it didn't make sense. He was without her, and her without him. Physically…and in heart.

I have been holding my breath
For too many nights in a row
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams
With reds and blues and green
Yeah, you're painting daffodils by the sea
Without me

Springtime was a time of joy, new beginnings. But no matter how bright and sunny the day was, Yuuta felt like there were dark rain clouds looming over head, even though they weren't there. The cherry blossoms looked beautiful, at the peak of their beauty, but Yuuta could not even enjoy them. Their scent reminded him of her perfume.

Yuuta eyed the solitary figure on the swings, slowly rocking back and forth, feet halfway buried underneath the sand. She could hear his footsteps on the sand and she anticipated the warm feeling of having his arms wrapped around her. No, no one could see this side of him but her. Only her.

    "Yuuta, did you know that multiple daffodils represent joy?" said, taking the daffodils from Yuuta. They were always present whenever they met.

    "Do they?" Yuuta asked, still holding her from behind. The smell of her hair reminded him of the cherry blossoms in Spring.

    "Yes! But one by itself…brings misfortune." said. "Which is why I'm glad, you always bring me bunches of them!" She turned to face him and smiled. "Is that why whenever I'm with you, I'm happy?"

    "I'd like to think it's because of me," Yuuta said, brooding.

    "Me too," responded, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, inducing a very visible blush on his cheeks. She smiled at this. This moment was theirs alone.

Yuuta snapped back to reality when a sakura petal brushed across his face, making his memory feel all the more real. He couldn't stand there any longer. He had to leave.

Today in a breeze I sensed your perfume
But you were nowhere near
And in reverie, I felt you holding me

Arriving at his dorm rooms, Yuuta plopped onto his bed. He was tired. Tired of everything. The only thing left to do now was sleep. Before he could even think about doing this action, his eyes began to feel heavy and he drifted off the sleep.

---

    "Yuuta."

…Huh…?

Yuuta looked around him. He was on a beach, the wind was blowing through his hair. The familiar scent of the sea wafted through his nostrils, but…he'd never been to this particular coast before. It didn't matter. That voice made him seem so at home.

    "Yuuta."

He whirled around the face a warm, smiling face and was overcome with joy.

    "!"

Yuuta ran to her and embraced her, picking her up and whirling her around. Her laughter brought joy to his heart and he laughed along with her. Upon putting her down he embraced her again, holding on so tightly he was sure he'd never let go, and nothing could ever take her away again. But he didn't see the coming wave.

The wave hovered over them, but he didn't see it until it was too late. It crashed over them, and no matter how tightly he held on, the wave pulled even harder. She was gone again.

---

Yuuta awoke in a cold sweat, a salty taste on his lips.

Even in my dreams I shake from the fear
That you've been swept away
By the rhythm of the waves that whispers in your ears

Two weeks had passed since he had learned she moved away, making it one month since they had broken up. Things seemed to get easier; the nightmares were less frequent, and he didn't think of her so much. He tried to busy himself with other things, leaving no room for his mind to wander to her. But every now and then, he'd think of her, and miss her. Now was one of those times.

There was some leisure time before practice started, and Yuuta couldn't help but to spend it thinking of her. He wondered what it would be like if she ever came back. Would it be the same? Could he still give her a bouquet of daffodils every time they met? Could he still make her smile, could she still make him laugh?

Snapping Yuuta out of his thoughts, Mizuki entered his dorm room, knocking lightly before letting himself in.

    "Yuuta, there's a beautiful young woman here to see you," Mizuki said, his voice sounding slightly mischievous. Wishful thinking led him to hope it was standing outside his door, even though he knew it was highly improbable. But who else could it be?

    "Onee-san," Yuuta said, bowing to his sister. Right. Yuuta had a feeling Mizuki had a little crush on his sister. But damn him for thinking she'd actually come back for him.

I have been holding my breath
For too many nights in a row

    "Yuuta, I brought you some of your favorite pie," Yumiko said, smiling at her youngest brother. She knew right away he still hadn't fully recovered from the half-hearted reaction she got.

    "Thank you, Onee-san," Yuuta said, smiling feebly at his sister. Bowing in thanks, he took the pie from her and turned to go back into his dorm room.

    "Wait, Yuuta," she said before he could close the door. "I've got a postcard for you." She searched through her purse and pulled out a small card, postmarked three days ago. "It's from her." Yuuta took the card from her.

    "Thanks," he said, and turned to go back into his room. He closed the door, seeming not to notice the worried looks on both Yumiko and Mizuki's faces.

Once inside, he set the pie onto a table and went to his bed, postcard in hand. On one side was his home address, but there was no return address. He should have known. Flipping it over, he was greeted with a warm beach scene. He knew right away that had painted it. Looking closely, he could see daffodils growing wildly, untamed. But something was wrong. Those daffodils…they weren't happy.

And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams
With reds and blues and greens
Yeah, you're painting daffodils by the sea
Without me

A few months back, Yuuta had come down with a terrible cold. He could barely get up and walk around. His body was constantly aching, and it seemed like his run would never shut off. He swore he would have had the most miserable time…if hadn't been with him through it all.

    "Yuuta, how are you feeling?" asked, coming into his room at the Fuji household, since he was sick.

    "Great," Yuuta told her, his voice sounding muffled because of the cold.

    "You don't sound great," said, wrinkling her nose in worry.

    "You're here, aren't you?" Yuuta replied. flashed him a smile.

    "Who knew you could be so corny, Fuji Yuuta," she scolded, sitting in the chair she had set up next to his bed. "Come now, you have to eat this. It'll help you feel better."

    "Who made that?" Yuuta inquired, trying his best to get up without feeling like his head would fall off his shoulders.

    "I did," said, sounding proud of herself. Yuuta now looked reluctant to eat. "Oh, shut up. I can cook better than you think. Besides, I put a lot of herbs in it so you can get better faster! Now open up!" Yuuta laughed, then coughed, then laughed again. "Okay, here comes the choo choo train!"

    "I'm not a child," Yuuta protested after he had taken the first taste. giggled. After finishing the whole bowl, Yuuta felt he was getting better already. "Thank you, ."

    "You're welcome!" she said cheerily. "I'll always be here for you."

    "I know."

    "Yuuta. I lo—"

    "I know that, too. And I feel the same way."

They didn't need to say it. It was more than what words could explain anyway.

I would give away my sweetest memories
If I could just be here with you again
Be with you again

They say it's mind over matter. Yuuta's mind was cloudy, he couldn't think straight. He couldn't sleep. Just as he thought it was getting better, it got worse. And he got sick.

Yuuta, for once, went home reluctantly. If there was anything that could even remotely fill the void he had been feeling, it was, though he wouldn't admit it, home. Everything and everyone there was welcoming, warm. He should have gone home a long time ago.

He wished he wasn't sick. He couldn't stand their faces of worry whenever they went into his room. There were no other siblings in the world like his. They cared for him so much. And even though he had declared his older brother as his rival, and his independence from his family by making his decision to go to St. Rudolph, he cared for them all, too.

Fuji Syuusuke closed the door to his brother's room. Yuuta didn't seem to be getting better at all. This wasn't right. She had to be here, not there. No matter what, he needed to find out where she was.

I have been holding my breath
For too many nights in a row

Tired brown eyes stared out the window. The world looked so much smaller from that high altitude. She'd been there for over a month now, but still, nothing seemed familiar, nothing brought a true, genuine smile to her face since she'd left, not even the daffodils that decorated the coastline. Nothing could take his place. Why hadn't she realized it sooner? She needed to be with him. It didn't matter if she was next to him physically, she needed him close to her. She needed to be in his heart.

And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams
With reds and blues and greens
Yeah, you're painting daffodils by the sea
Without me

    "-san."

Fuji Syuusuke greeted the young girl at their doorstep. He could see all the worry written on her face. It looked like she hadn't gotten sleep in a while, but there was a small light to her face. He knew it was because she was seeing him again in what, to her, must have felt like an eternity.

    "Fuji-san," responded, bowing deeply.

    "He's up in his room."

    "Thank you."

ran toward his room. Familiarity overwhelmed her. Each step she took closer to his room, she felt her heart beat faster and faster. The door was just a few steps ahead of her now, and she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob and twisted it, the door opening as she pushed lightly. She peeked inside and found Yuuta sleeping. Opening the door more so, she stepped inside and pulled up a chair next to his bed.

    "Yuuta, I'm so sorry," she whispered, pressing her hand to his forehead. She brushed her hand across his cheek and he stirred. His eyes opened slowly, only halfway.

    "......?" he whispered, his voice coming out hoarse. "It's…this dream again." He blinked slowly. "Please…just this once…don't go." felt the tears well up in her eyes, but she held them back.

    "Never again."

Yuuta closed his eyes again, and went back to sleep, smiling.

Last night I dreamt you were with me
Finally I could breathe

fin
soh
13.April.2006

Author's Note: This DN was inspired by Daphne Loves Derby's Pollen and Salt. I'll have a link up by tomorrow, or Sunday at the latest. <3